SESSION #11 - TOYS IN THE ATTIC
Something slithers in the bowels of the Bebop.
TOYS IN THE ATTIC
The Bebop. Jet narrates.
JET: Space travel log 0968. We were wasting our free time. It sounds good to call the bounty-hunting job a "freelance" job but all that means is that we're self-employed. When we have no jobs, we have none at all. Well, that's all a part of our destiny but it's troublesome that we're out of money. And so, we get urges to make quick cash...
The living room. Faye holds up two dice.
FAYE: Any problem with using these?
Faye tosses the dice into a cup, and puts it down on the table. A shirtless Jet contemplates.
FAYE: Evens, is it?
JET: No, odds after all!
FAYE: Odds, is it?
JET: Yeah... odds.
Faye reveals the dice.
FAYE: Double ace... Even.
Ed sleeps under the stairs.
ED: I can't eat any more...
In front of Faye, a pile of Jet's possessions.
FAYE: Well, it would be easiest for me if you paid up in cash. So what'll it be?
JET: A man does not take back his word!
Jet stands, takes off his boxer shorts, tosses them into the air and exits.
Spike enters with flamethrower-cooked kabobs.
SPIKE: That's why I told you not to do it.
Spike bites into one of the kabobs and gags.
The creature continues its journey somewhere on the ship. Steam bursts from a pipe, alerting Ein.
Jet enters the stock room. He narrates.
JET: Humans were meant to work and sweat for their money after all. Those that try to get rich quick or live at the expense of others all get divine retribution somewhere along the way. That is the lesson.
Jet puts on a blanket to cover his nakedness.
JET: But one thing about humans is that they quickly forget the lessons they just learned.
Jet notices a refrigerator he hadn't seen before.
JET: There was a fridge way back here?
He walks toward it. A slushy noise approaches him.
Faye calculates her earnings. She narrates.
FAYE: Survival of the fittest is the law of the land. To fool and to be fooled is the reason we live. I've never had anything good happen to me when I trust others. That's the lesson.
A slushy noise approaches Faye from behind. She turns around. It is Spike, brushing his teeth.
SPIKE: How much did you swindle?
FAYE: Would you stop saying things that would hurt my reputation? He lost on his own!
SPIKE: Because he couldn't see through this cheat?
Spike taps Faye's anklet with his foot, rolling the dice magnetically.
FAYE: It's part of one's skill to see through it.
SPIKE: At least give his clothes back to him.
FAYE: I'll lend them to him.
SPIKE: Greedy, aren't we?
FAYE: It's rough out there in the real world.
The alarm sounds.
Spike, Faye and Ein rush into the stock room.
SPIKE: Hey, what's up?
JET: Something bit me.
FAYE: What do you mean, "something?"
Ein growls. A rat scampers by. Faye frowns.
JET: I-It wasn't a rat! Look at this! This wound on my neck!
Faye exits. Spike follows.
FAYE: This is silly. It was a waste of time running over here.
JET: Spike! I was bitten around that fridge!
JET: Hmm? You have a clue?
SPIKE: I'm sure... there was something... Nope, can't remember.
Ein growls at the refrigerator. He hears something and exits.
The living room. Spike presents to Jet a jar of Chinese ointment from the first aid box.
JET: You sure this is gonna work?
SPIKE: The only thing it doesn't work on are nearsightedness and cavities.
JET: Then it works on athlete's foot?
SPIKE: Of course.
JET: Don't you have something more legit that would get rid of sores?
SPIKE: That would be this.
Spike pulls a dried up lizard from the box.
JET: That gets rid of sores?
SPIKE: Yeah. Crush this, and you boil it in three cups of water until the liquid simmers down to one cup, and you drink it.
JET: Spike, isn't there something more different?
SPIKE: Oh, I got just the thing.
JET: Yeah, gimme that...
Spike pulls out a dried up scorpion from the box.
JET: Gimme what you had before.
Ein is restless in the corridor.
Spike poors thick green liquid from a kettle into a glass in Jet's hand.
JET: Hey... I'm feeling a lot sicker now... Do I look pale?
SPIKE: You're pretty pale to begin with.
FAYE: What is this awful smell?
SPIKE: Herbal medicine.
FAYE: Herbal medicine? THIS? It smells like you just left a rag that cleaned up spilt milk out to dry!
SPIKE: I think it's more like rotten soybeans.
JET: Knock it off! I have to drink this ya know!
Jet drinks it and passes out.
FAYE: Oh, brother.
SPIKE: Hey, now, this goes too far for a joke...
Spike notices a purple patch on the back of Jet's neck.
Jet lies on the couch barely conscious. Spike analyzes a sample of the toxin with the computer.
FAYE: It was a rat, right? There's nothing to make a fuss about. Am I wrong?
SPIKE: I have no clue. He seems to have gotten some poison that's not in this database. Looking at similar poisons...
Spike attempts to match microbes.
SPIKE: Cryptosporidium... That's not it...
Jet's eyes widen.
Jet calms down.
SPIKE: Ebola virus...?
Jet calms down.
Jet calms down.
SPIKE: Bifidobacterium...? Not even close.
FAYE: What is it? Ein, you're being noisy.
SPIKE: I can say for sure that it wasn't an ordinary rat. Hey, keep it quiet.
FAYE: So what is it?
SPIKE: Well, it's...
Ed pops up.
ED: A mysterious space creature! Spooky! The attack of a horrible space creature!
SPIKE: Oh, yeah, there's that possibility... Heh... Yeah, right.
ED: Then what is it? It's not in the database.
Ed points at the monitor.
ED: These base-pairs are weird, too.
SPIKE: You think so?
ED: We've never seen symptoms like this before either. Other than a space creature, what is it? What is it?
SPIKE: Well... um, perhaps something like a rat went through a mutation... and evolved into some mysterious creature... and carried a mysterious poison...
FAYE: What's that about? That isn't too different from the "mysterious space creature" theory! This is too silly.
ED: Aiya... what are we gonna do, Ein? It's a space creature!
ED: It's spooky!
The creature continues its journey. It spots Faye reading in a bathtub. Faye notices something drop from the cieling but ignores it.
The living room. Spike hooks a heat sensor up to Ed's goggles and his spectacles.
SPIKE: All right. This is made to sense heat sources. It's usually used to find bounties that are hiding. Can you see me?
Ed is thrilled to see Spike and Ein in heat vision.
SPIKE: All right, I'm gonna test it, so move just like I tell you...
Ein runs off and Ed chases after him.
ED: Ein! Where are you going?
SPIKE: Hey, wait! HEY!
Through the spectacles, Spike notices a hot blob slither switftly across the floor.
SPIKE: That's weird... Is it broken?
Faye runs into the room with a distressed expression on her face.
SPIKE: Was that response from you?
FAYE: That story you were telling, about some mysterious creature or somethingarather...
SPIKE: Oh, yeah.
FAYE: What happens if you're bitten?
SPIKE: I can't say for sure until we catch the creature, but I'm going to guess...
FAYE: Death? No... Why did it have to be this way? I still have a lot to live for... I haven't committed any crimes... I'm still young and lively...
FAYE: Oh, poor little me!
Faye collapses onto the floor.
SPIKE: Hey now, why are you getting into this...?
Faye collapses. Spike notices large purple mark on her leg.
The creature continues its journey.
Ed wanders through the hallway.
ED: August 6th. Skyday. Today, we will go look for the spooky mysterious space creature.
ED: Lesson, lesson... if you see a stranger, follow him!
Ed opens the bathroom door and peers in.
ED: Are you here? Are you here, Mr. Spooky Creature?
Spike enters the hanger.
SPIKE: Ed! Ein! Hey! This isn't hide-and-seek!
ED: Exploration, experimentation, exclamation. Lights shine bright in the many towns.
ED: I will come back alive. I trust you, Ed.
She grabs railing from above and drops the heat sensor. Eins scampers off.
SPIKE: Are ya in here? You're not in here? Answer me!
A dark corridor. Ein sniffs around. The creature attacks from above. Ein squeals.
Spike hears Ein and runs toward the sound.
SPIKE: Ein! Really... Ein, Ed... What happened?
He finds Ein with the heat sensor. Ein has a purple splotch on his back.
SPIKE: Hey, hang in there! Where's Ed? I can't believe it got you this easily. You're a dog! Where're your natural instincts?!
Through heat vision, Spike sees the creature approaching. He grabs Ein and runs away.
The living room. Spike observes Jet, Faye and Ein, all unconscious from the monster's bite.
SPIKE: No choice... Guess I'm going in!
Spike gears up and programs the Bebop's autopilot.
BEBOP: Cruising down Route 66.
BEBOP: Approximate cruising time left: 82 hours. From here, we will enter full autopilot. After passing the gate, this ship will automatically land on Mars. The route cannot be changed after confirmation.
Following a tracer, Spike enters the rotating part of the ship.
SPIKE: Ed! You aren't here, are you? Hey!
Spike finds Ed's heat sensor on the floor.
SPIKE: Did that thing get her too...?
Spike enters a dark corridor. Oil drips from a pipe above, startling him.
SPIKE: Don't surprise me!
Spike stops to light a cigarette. The blob slithers past Spike.
SPIKE: I've been waiting for ya!
Spike fires a net at the creature. It slips through. The creature advances at Spike, making him fall and break his spectacles. He gets up.
He tosses gas cans, slips out of the room and seals it. He sits down, cigarette still in mouth. He reaches into his coat and pockets for his lighter but could not find it. He blasts the cigarette with the flamethrower, burning it completely. He gives up. Spike returns into the gas-filled room then leaps back out, blob behind him. He fires his gun at it.
SPIKE: Come on, you slime!
The blob charges at him. He leaps over it and continues to fire. He makes a connecting shot, striking it dead center.
SPIKE: Got 'im!
Spike fries the blob with the flamethrower. He approaches it, smelling the fumes coming off of it.
SPIKE: This thing seems familiar...
Spike remembers the kabobs.
SPIKE: I guess I shoulda eaten that... Oh yeah, it should be in the fridge...
Spike suddenly remembers something he should not have forgotten.
The stock room. Spike narrates.
SPIKE: That was when I remembered everything. It was... oh, one year ago. When I had gotten a hold of a real lobster I hid it in the fridge in this stock room just so nobody else would eat it. But I had forgotten about it, and left it in there for a whole year, I wonder what it looks like in there now...
Spike opens the fridge and sees a disgusting mess. He slams the fridge.
Spike disables the gravity of the ship and pushes the refrigerator out of the stock room and into the corridor leading to the hatch. The blob leaps from the refrigerator and bites Spike on the wrist.
The creature slithers away.
The refrigerator bounces off of the closed hatch. The door begins to creak open. Spike opens the hatch and pushes the refrigerator out into space. As he closes the hatch, he passes out. Spike narrates.
SPIKE: You shouldn't leave things in the fridge. That is the lesson.
Somewhere on the Bebop. Ed sleeps. The creature floats by. Ed grabs it.
ED: Sweet bean roll!
Ed tosses the blob into her mouth, chews and swallows.
ED: Mmm... can't eat anymore...
ED: And so, they all passed away. Everyone, it was brief, but thanks for your support. This was the last episode. I hope they rest in peace. Amen. And starting next episode, we bring you "Cowgirl Ed!" I'm the main character!
SPIKE: Hey, wait a minute!
FAYE: What kinda selfish crap is that?!
JET: Next episode: "Jupiter Jazz (Part 1)"
SPIKE: There really is another episode!
JUPITER JAZZ (PART I)
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