SESSION #17 - MUSHROOM SAMBA
The Bebop floats fueless in Io space.
The Bebop living room. Jet presents an empty box to the crew.
JET: This was the most special of the special. It was an emergency ration for true emergencies that was saved for the last of the last resorts. All I'm asking is who ate this.
SPIKE: Grudges over food sure are scary.
JET: Spike, by perchance, was it you?
SPIKE: If I was the culprit, I wouldn't leave the empty box lying around like that.
ED: Ed is hungry.
FAYE: Maybe you ate it yourself, but are pretending to be upset because we found the empty box?
FAYE: We haven't had anything to eat for two whole days! Don't you call a situation like this an emergency?!
SPIKE: I wanna eat stuff like fried beefun noodles...
JET: We're outta gas! We can't do anything about it! If you could hold out like this a bit longer we'll reach Europa soon thanks to inertia.
ED: Tummy's caving in!
FAYE: If only we could use that energy to propel ourselves...
JET: You keep mouthing off like that and I'll toss you out into absolute zero.
SPIKE: And a stir-fry of liver and chives would be good, too...
FAYE: Sounds good. At least it's better than aimlessly floating around this place.
Ed finds a pistachio nut in her pocket. She takes off the shell and prepares to eat it. The rest stare at her ravenously. Ed screams.
in an extremely hungry way
A large triangular ship crashes into Bebop. The nut slips from Ed's fingers.
Ein eats the nut.
FAYE: That was some collision...
Jet tries to contact the ship.
JET: Hey! Can you hear me? Answer me! Hey!
The ship jets off.
FAYE: Isn't this a hit-and-run?!
The Bebop is suddenly pulled into Io's gravitational field.
JET: This is bad! The shock from that collision changed our trajectory...
SPIKE: What did what to who?
FAYE: What's going on?!
The Bebop crash-lands on Io.
The Bebop control room.
FAYE: Wow... Where is this place? This is so uncivilized!
SPIKE: I don't think that's our problem...
JET: We have to start by checking the ship. Can you go get some food?
Faye suddenly looks uneasy. She grabs her stomach.
FAYE: I suddenly feel... a stabbing pain...
JET: What are you trying to pull?
Faye runs into the bathroom. Ein pushes the empty box to Jet. Jet picks it up and examines the bottom.
JET: This expired a year ago...
SPIKE: I'm glad I didn't eat it.
JET: Serves you right. This is divine retribution!
They're stomachs rumble.
JET: Let's get to it...
The Engine Room. Jet and Spike examine the smoking engine.
SPIKE: Whatcha gonna do?
Ed pops up.
ED: Ed will help too!
Ed tugs at the handlebars. They break off.
SPIKE: We're fine here, so go outside and find us some food.
Ed skips off.
The rotating part of the ship. Ed puts on a pair of socks.
ED: Gotta wear my socks to go out, to go out.
Ed slips and falls. She takes off the socks.
The Great Io Desert. Ed and Ein wander aimlessly. They lie down.
ED: Nothing here...
The triangular ship flies overhead.
ED: It's that hit-and-run ship!
Ed and Ein chase after it.
ED: Wait, wait! Wait, wait!
The ship flies out of sight.
ED: Wait, wait!
Ed stops. She picks up a scent.
Ed and Ein sniff around.
ED: Smell... food...
Following the trail they find a watermelon vender with a truck full of melons.
They run to the truck.
MELON MAN: 1000 Woolongs each, including tax. Cash only. No money cards or cash cards allowed.
ED: I don't have money.
MELON MAN: Then hurry home, kid.
A slick sports car pulls up. Coffee, a tall attractive woman with an afro, walks out.
COFFEE: Can I have one?
MELON MAN: 1000 Woolongs each. Cash only. Cards are -
The man notices Ed and Ein salivating in front of the watermelons.
MELON MAN: Kid, no use staring. If you want food, go someplace like the town.
Coffee hands the man a 1000-Woolong bill.
COFFEE: I don't need change. In exchange...
She flashes a picture of a man with a phone number written on the bottom.
COFFEE: If you see this man, gimme a call. Thanks!
The man takes the bill. Coffee takes a watermelon. Coffee drives off. Ed and Ein stow aboard the car in the trunk.
Coffee stops at a gas station. Two policemen approach her.
OFFICER A: Excuse us.
OFFICER B: We would like to check your baggage.
COFFEE: Something wrong?
OFFICER A: Apparently, a broker on the wanted list for illegal mushroom sales made a getaway to this town.
COFFEE: What a coincidence. I'm after that bounty as well.
OFFICER A: A cowboy?
OFFICER B: We're gonna check out your trunk.
COFFEE: Go ahead, feel free.
They open the trunk. To the surprise of all of them they find Ed and Ein asleep.
OFFICER A: Hey!
OFFICER B: All right! FREEZE!
The policeman pull out their guns and handcuffs.
COFFEE: Now, wait a minute -
OFFICER A: All right, stay still -
COFFEE: I don't know anything about this!
OFFICER A: Turn around! Hands on the ground!
COFFEE: What are you doing?!
OFFICER B: Now put your hands on the ground!
COFFEE: Let go of me!!
OFFICER B: HURRY UP!
Ed and Ein wake from the commotion and slip away onto the streets.
Ed and Ein. walk into the city.
ED: Food, food, do you have any? Oh, you don't? Oh, you do? Boy, am I hungry...
They spot the mushroom dealer, Domino, carrying a bag. He eats a hotdog. Ed and Ein rush toward him.
Ed grabs him.
ED: Gimme! Gimme something!
DOMINO: Dammit, stop hanging all over me!
A man dragging a coffin behind him by a rope approaches Domino.
SHAFT BROTHER: HEY! I won't let you tell me you forgot who I am, Domino!
DOMINO: Let's see...
SHAFT BROTHER: Come on! Remember, dammit! I'm the younger of the Shaft Brothers that bought mushrooms from you!
DOMINO: I really can't recall...
SHAFT BROTHER: You do want to know why I drag an empty coffin around like this, don't you? It's because I'm going to go home after putting your corpse inside -
A truck drives by and runs over the coffin.
ED: Pieces... All in pieces!
DOMINO: What was what to who?
SHAFT BROTHER: My big bro ate a mushroom he bought from you and laughed and laughed, and twisted his intestines to death!
DOMINO: A happy way to die.
SHAFT BROTHER: Shut up! Speaking of which, it's all your fault!
DOMINO: That's what I call an unjust resentment!
ED: Ed is hungry, too!
SHAFT BROTHER: Take THIS!
He pulls out a grenade launcher.
Domino runs off. Mushrooms drop from his bag.
SHAFT BROTHER: Wait, you bastard! Dammit!
The Shaft Brother runs after Domino.
Ein eats one immediately.
ED: Aah! Don't, Ein, we have to share!
Ein hick-ups and begins to squeak uncontrollably.
Ed sniffs a mushroom.
ED: Bad mushroom?
Outside the Bebop. A plate with a single mushroom lies on top of an ironing board. Faye approaches it. Ed and Ein look from the shadows.
FAYE: This for real?
Faye takes it and eats it.
She walks away.
Moments later. Another plate with a single mushroom. Jet approaches it. Ed and Ein continue looking from the shadows.
JET: This really can't be happening. Really. This really has no way of happening.
Jet picks it up and eats it. Jet walks away satisfied.
Moments later. Another plate with a single mushroom. Spike gives it a good look. He casually walks by the table and swipes the mushroom into his mouth while walking away. Ed and Ein continue looking from the shadows.
Faye walks into the bathroom. She hick-ups and her eyes turn dull.
Jet walks by the bonsai room. He stops at the door step, hicks-up and his eyes turn dull.
The hall. Spike walks halfway up the steps leading into the control room. He hick-ups and his eyes turn dull. He takes a few steps forward, looks up and sees that his journey up the stairs is endless.
In the bathroom. Faye sees the ceiling rise endlessly.
The bonsai room. Jet converses with his bonsai and laughs.
JET: Hey... You know, the world really is a great place...
He scratches his head.
JET: Did I just say something?
Spike continues his journey up the stairs. He encounters a bullfrog. Spike stops.
BULLFROG: Hey, mister. This is a stairway to heaven. You know that, right?
SPIKE: An obnoxious little frog...
Spike continues walking up.
BULLFROG: I don't care anymore... I warned you!
Ed and Ein watch Spike stepping on the same step over and over trying to get to the control room.
The bathroom. Faye sees the mouth of the toilet bowl high above her head. It begins to overflow. She is submerged in water. Thousands of fish swim around her.
Ed and Ein watch Faye swim the breaststroke standing up one step before the toilet.
The bonsai room. Jet continues conversing with his bonsai.
JET: Yeah, yeah, that's it. I now know the secrets of the universe.
JET: By the way... who was I?
Ed and Ein walk by.
ED: So these mushrooms are inedible after all...
Ein nods and barks.
Ed and Ein watch "Big Shot" on the monitor outside the ship.
PUNCH: So, as you can tell, it's time for another episode of BIG SHOT!
JUDY: We'll introduce you to more and more bounties this week! So, batting first for us today is...
PUNCH: This man, Domino Walker. He's currently wanted for selling illegal mushrooms.
ED: That's the guy we just saw!
JUDY: The bounty is a conservative 1.2 mil.
ED: That's cowgirl, Ein. We earn money and buy food! Ein, you're a cow-woof woof!.
Ed and Ein gather equipment from the Bebop.
Ed steps on a powered scooter.
ED: Here we go! One! Two! Five! Four! Hello!
Ed jets off.
The police station. Coffee is being interrogated.
OFFICER: Hey, don't underestimate the police!
COFFEE: I really don't know anything!
OFFICER: Then why did you have a strange kid and a dog in the trunk of your car?!
The policeman's phone rings. He picks it up.
OFFICER: Hello... Yes? Oh, it's you, Sally. Really... You're so hopeless...
He turns away from Coffee.
OFFICER: I told you so many times not to call me at work...
Through the window, Coffee spots Ed and Ein speed by.
OFFICER: And? Yeah, yeah, and that's it? I mean, I didn't mean it THAT way when I said "that's it?"...
She carefully grabs her keys and escapes.
OFFICER: Yeah, yeah, like that. I love you, Sally. Got it. Tonight at 7 it Bye-bye!
He hangs up. Coffee is gone. Outside, she drives away.
At an outdoors bar. The Shaft Brother speedily eats flavored ice. Sitting a table away are Antonio, Carlos and Jobin.
ANOTONIO: What's wrong, young'un? Lookin' like that...
CARLOS: Did your woman run off without you?
JOBIN: What to say...
SHAFT BROTHER: None of your business, old geezers.
He spots Ed and Ein speed off. He tries to finish the ice quickly and gets a splitting headache.
ANTONIO: Oh, man... that's for eating all at once.
CARLOS: They say when you're in a hurry, go around.
JOBIN: Is that right?
Ed stops outside of town.
ED: He's not here...
She spots the triangular ship.
ED: Aah! That hit-and-run ship!
In the ship. Domino tends to mushrooms growing on bark.
DOMINO: I'm sure they never even dreamed that I was raising these in here.
He plucks one and tosses it into a full bag.
DOMINO: This one's bad. Well, making an emergency landing here was the only miscalculation I had -
He turns around and Ed and Ein startle him.
ED: Were you surprised?
DOMINO: I was. What the hell are you guys?
ED: Why are you here?
DOMINO: That's my line! How did you get in here in the first place?
ED: The door was open.
DOMINO: Is that so?!
Ed points two gas guns at Domino.
ED: Culprit of the hit-and-run, prepare to get arrested! Stinkbug gas!
She pulls the triggers. Gas sprays out. Domino runs away.
ED: Wait, wait, wait!
Ed and Ein chase after him.
They run outside. A train is about to cross. The Shaft Brother and the watermelon vender in his truck wait side by side. The Shaft Brother spots Domino and Ed. The train passes. Domino has gotten himself on top of it. The Shaft Brother punches out the watermelon vender, takes his truck and speeds after the train. He climbs onto the train and confronts Domino.
SHAFT BROTHER: Don't think that you can get away from me!
He pulls out his grenade launcher and fires at Domino. Domino dodges.
Coffee catches up with the train. She pulls out her own grenade launcher.
COFFEE: Don't get in my way!
She fires at the Shaft Brother and misses.
Ed and Ein chase after the train in the scooter. Ed, with Ein on her back, hops off the scooter, skips on Coffee's head and grabs onto the train.
ED: Ein! Growl!
Ein runs after Domino. He bites one of the mushroom bags.
DOMINO: C-Come on! Let go of me!
Ein tosses back the bag. It flies into the Shaft Brother's face. The Shaft Brother loses grip and falls from the train and through Coffee's windshield. Coffee's car flips over and explodes. Both miraculously survive.
Ed runs after Domino and makes threatening gestures.
A cow is before the train on the tracks. The train suddenly brakes. Domino falls off the train in front of the cow. Ed lands on top of him. The train stops.
DOMINO: W-Wait... T-These mushrooms are worth 100,000 each. Let me go, and I'll give them to you.
DOMINO: Think about which one is worth more.
ED: I dunno.
DOMINO: A-Are you an idiot?! Take the mushrooms!
Ed takes the bag and tosses it in the air.
Ein barks at the cow
EIN (Subtitles): Thank you.
The cow moos back
COW (Subtitles): Oh, it's no problem.
Sunset. Spike is on the roof of the Bebop. Faye regains consciousness on the floor of the bathroom with toilet paper in her mouth. Jet makes up in the hallway, mouth red from eating lipstick.
Ed runs into a tent outside the Bebop with the bag.
ED: Yahoo! Dinner! Mushroom!
In the tent.
FAYE: 100,000 each? Really?
JET: That sure would make some money.
FAYE: These are real?
A policeman approaches the tent outside. Jet, Ed and Faye walk outside.
OFFICER: Excuse me. I'm with the police. I want to ask a few questions about Domino, an illegal mushroom dealer.
JET: Unfortunately, we have no clue.
FAYE: I'm so sorry we can't be of any help.
ED: Ed knows who that -
Jet and Faye cover Ed's mouth. Faye and Jet laugh nervously.
FAYE: Don't mind her...
Ed struggles free.
ED: In exchange, I got...
They cover her mouth again.
FAYE: She's a troublesome kid...
Spike walks outside, still dazed, holding the bag of mushrooms.
OFFICER: Excuse me, sir.
He tests the mushrooms with a scanner.
OFFICER: They're okay. He must really like shitake mushrooms. Well, sorry to bother you.
The policeman leaves.
Space. The Bebop.
JET: Here's dinner.
SPIKE: What's the menu?
JET: Shitake stir-fry, shitake stew, shitake salad, and a shitake dessert.
FAYE: Again? How many days has it been?
SPIKE: No... I can't eat anymore.
JET: Quit complaining, and be thankful that we can even eat!
LIFE IS BUT A DREAM...
JET: A videotape that was delivered to the Bebop with no return address. Because we wanted to view the tape, things took a turn for the unexpected. No, actually it doesn't go anywhere. At first glance, the story is pointless the actions are on a small scale and the ending is forced but what will you get out of it all? Next episode: "Speak Like A Child." At first glance, it's interesting.
SPEAK LIKE A CHILD
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